Taylor Swift - Cold As You (75)

Cold As You

Google says that Global Language Monitor says that there are over 1,009,753 words in the English language. It took me nearly 25 years to find the one word that most fits me without fault. There are some close 1st runner-ups. Impassive. Dickhead. Trenchant. Contemptuous. But if you're not first your 1,009,753rd.

First and foremost, you may ask why find one all-encompassing word to explain the person you truly are? And I would counter with why are there toll booths? Seriously. Why the fuck do I have to pay between 75 cents and 2 dollars to cross an imaginary line?

Anyways, when I have 3.5 hours alone to drive from the miserable city of Manchester all the way home I think about a lot of weird shit. And there is just something to be said about the feeling of resolution one achieves upon discovering something that fits so flawlessly. The only comparable feeling is the perfect execution of a quarterback option.

Jealous.

I am jealous of 98% of people on this planet.

There are three definitions of jealously on my computer dictionary (the dictionary that "bumps" up and down only once on my macbook as opposed to every other app on my toolbar that bounces up and down at least 3 times when you open it...weird).

1) feeling or showing suspicion of one's faithfulness in a relationship.

Not at this point in my life. Maybe in middle school. Being jealous in this sense of the word is a waste of time. I am thankful to be in a relationship in which this is not an issue. There is a mutual agreement that if one person doesn't want to be faithful then they should tell the other person before acting or be they will be severely slaughtered after the fact. I recommend being honest with your significant other, it un-complicates a lot of things and essentially eliminates guilt and anxiety from your life.

2) fiercely protective or vigilant of one's rights or possessions.

Definitely not. In fact, I don't recall ever being passionate enough about anything in my life to even verbally argue over it. This definition is however the perfect segway into the prize winning definition...

3) feeling or showing envy of someone or their accomplishments or advantages.

I am 100% jealous of any person in this world that truly has faith. I believe in nothing and I accept that. I have no passion like jealots from definition number 2. Do you know how hard it is to connect with a person who believes in nothing? And accepts it?

Let's preface the remainder of the discussion by assuming that every person wishes to connect with someone or something in life. I only have to look as far as the concept of "pets" to justify this notion. Pets are expensive and often times smell bad. But pets are one of the best short cuts to actually connecting with another being. They are loving, honest, forgivable, and loyal. They show unconditional love toward you and accept you and all of your faults with no questions asked. They are in a sense miniature perfect humans.

However, pets are relatively novel in terms of biological history. For instance, fish don't have pets. Apes don't have pets. Humans have developed into the most sophisticated beings on this planet and in an attempt to minimize and dilute the desolate feelings that stem from the ability to comprehend the emptiness of existing have contrived the temporary solution of "pets".

Now....I love animals and they have always been weirdly friendly toward me. Cats, dogs, puppies, even human babies (basically pets) always seem to enjoy sitting on my lap. Maybe I smell bad and they like that? Maybe they recognize that I believe in nothing and this makes it very hard to connect with another cognitive human being without being judged or criticized and thus are being empathetic? Or maybe they just don't believe in anything either and recognize one of their own...

I am "envious of the advantage" conferred to people that are able to be naive enough to believe in something. I just can't fathom. There is a disconnect for me. I listen to your explanations and I listen to your opinions and it makes no goddamn sense to me. I hear you. You can't convert me, I KNOW that the only sensible belief is in Nothing. Deep down inside I KNOW you agree but you are capable of convincing yourself otherwise. And that makes me jealous. It is so much easier for you to connect with people.

Before continuing I have to clarify the definition of "faith" I am using. Basically I am referring to your faith as the single most thing you care about in the entire world. This definition excludes only one thing: family. This is because there is an undeniable loyalty among parents and children...the same connection we emulate through pets. Unconditional love is truly unique.

That covered, it is still not impossible to connect with people. Some people get it. And you, sirs, are the people I want to drink Jack Daniels with. As I conversed with my sister and my two best friends from home over the weekend there is a connection. We all share a similar outlook. It could be that we relate to and enjoy Dexter for faking most human emotion in order to "fit in" with the 98% of people that actually have faith/passion. Or it could be because we've become complacent with the difficulty in trying to connect with other individuals. For some reason, there is a connection.

The thing that blows my mind is that EVERYONE is on the path to one day believing in nothing and they endlessly deny it. And thus making it impossible to connect with them. Often times, they even try to cover up believing in "Nothing".

Every religion. Every single religion believes in Nothing. You literally put faith in to an IDEA....you put you're faith in literally Nothing. Yet these people try so hard to make this Nothing into something more than it is. Churches, prayers, rituals, bread, wine, crosses, propaganda, Bibles, Koran...all are an attempt to establish some sort of physicality or reality for the Nothing they actually believe in. These people believe in nothing but don't accept it.

Alcoholics, stoners, and illicit substance abusers. They spend their time getting fucked beyond comprehension until they not only accept but enjoy the experience of Nothing. They embrace the idea of nothing and enjoy experiencing Nothing to the point it controls their lives. Suicide. Perhaps the people that realize Nothing and can't handle it.

This emptiness or nothingness is just a Universal feeling that everyone tries hard to avoid. Psychiatrists exist specifically because of it. Depression medication is everywhere (much to thrill of future pharamacists of the world). Everyone tries so fucking hard to avoid emptiness and nothingness. Why can't you just accept it?

Everything is fake. People obsess over celebrities, sports, religion, food, Paris Hilton, careers, insert your "faith" here....and it's all an attempt to hide from the fact that nobody really cares about anything. We as humans are tortured because we comprehend the fact that there is nothing of substance to believe in. And it is the suppression of this comprehension that impedes genuine human connection.

So if you are willing to expose the fact that you comprehend in nothing, grab some whiskey and let's be friends. And if you're not ready yet, you can rub my tummy and clean up my shit if it makes you feel better.

Repeat Offender: Should've Said No (88), Enchanted (77)

BryTUNES Genius Recommendation: Stay Wide Awake- Eminem (89)