If you answered yes to that question please do the following:
1) Grow up.
2) Refrain from talking.
3) Jump-squat ass first on to a large bottle of captain morgan.
Upon your recovery, sit down and take a long hard look at your life. Critically analyze what has brought you to this low point. Quit spending precious time watching a bunch of cunts pretend that they are more important than the rest of the world because their oldest sister swallowed a black cock on the internet. Find it in your heart to forgive yourself for being such a mindless piece of shit and start trying to be a more responsible person. Still don't talk to me.
Whilst countless Americans spoil their ability to think logically by watching E! or MTV, there are pressing issues in our country that need to be addressed. Issues that, indeed, could one day ruin the ability of dipsticks to comfortably lounge around waiting to see Kim in a towel or to hear Khloe cuss out Lamar Odom.
Bacteria. No, not the colony inundating the underwear drawers of a certain celebrity family, but increasingly more resistant bacteria that has the potential to destroy the world as we know it. I'll try to keep this interesting....
For thousands and thousands of years people died because of bacterial infections and infectious diseases. That is scary. It was only in 1928 that humans discovered that penicillin could kill some types of bacteria. With that came the inventing of a slew of antibiotic medications that have significantly increased the life expectancy and the quality of life of people all over the world. That being said, infectious diseases remain the 2nd leading cause of death worldwide. Infectious diseases are the 3rd leading cause of death in the United States. Bacteria is lethal. Not only is bacteria lethal but these bugs are smart motherfuckers. We are over our heads in a war with bacteria and if we continue to do nothing it may be too late.
A brief background for the non-scientist. There are two types of bacteria. Gram + and Gram -. Let's say Kim Kardashian is Gram + bacteria and Khloe is Gram -. The major difference between the two types of bacteria is the thickness of their cell wall. Gram + has a thicker wall. Kim has a fatter ass. Humor me...
Now, in order to kill bacteria, it is necessary to attack things that are essential for the bacteria to survive while being safe for us to ingest. This makes the cell wall a good target in bacteria because humans do not have cell walls. So the smart old scientists in the 1920s decided to attack the cell wall. For metaphor's purposes lets attack the Kardashians' asses. No fat ass, no celebrity status, no survival. So early scientists created Lamar Odom. Odom conquers Khloe's ass! Rejoice! Odom is equivalent to penicillin. Just wrecking Gram + bacteria. The only problem is that Odom doesn't have a chance in hell to conquer Kim's ass. Read: he's B list celebrity, she's A list.
Back to the drawing board. So scientists had to develop more ways to kill the Kardashians. Again, they target things necessary for the bacteria's survival. Scientists began attacking bacterial protein synthesis, bacterial cell membranes, and bacterial nucleic acid synthesis. Translation in metaphor being the scientists attack accessories necessary for survival of the Kardashians: cell phones, make-up, black men. Voila! Ray-J! Everyone is grateful for Ray-J!
So everything seems fine and dandy. You got Lamar to conquer Khloe and Ray-J conquering Kim (Gram + and Gram - bacteria can be killed). Scientists have since discovered a handful of different categories of drugs to conquer bacteria. The penicillins, the aminopenicillins, the carbapenems, the fluoroquinolones, the cephalosporins, the macrolides, the aminoglycosides, and various others. Think of these drug classes as the growing list of Kardashian conquerers.... Odom, Ray-J, Nick Lachey, Miles Austin, Reggie Bush, Kris Humphries, etc. It is important to note that each drug class has it's own unique coverage for different types of bacteria. Think Odom can only conquer Gram + (Khloe). Let's say Austin only conquers Gram - (Kim). And some can conquer both types! We'll say that this is Reggie Bush becuase mahfugga is a Pimp.
But then something terrible happens. Kim becomes resistant to Ray-J! Sweet Jesus! Ray-J can no longer conquer Kim! This my friends is bad news...
Bacteria are fucking brilliant. Scientists targeted something they needed to survive and, in turn, they figured out a way to fight back. This is scary stuff and it's only the beginning. A large number of the aforementioned classes of drugs fall into the category of beta-lactam drugs. That is, a beta-lactam structure in the drug fucks up the bacteria's cell wall synthesis and consequently kills it. The bacteria have brilliantly began producing beta-lactamase enzymes to destroy the beta-lactam structure of the drug and allow for itself to survive! The war is on. To counter, scientists began packaging beta-lactamase inhibitors with the drugs. So now the drug has a part in it that inhibits the enzyme that the bacteria began making because we were trying to kill it in the first place AND a part to kill the bacteria. Think Ray-J has flowers for Kim. Ray-J alone cannot conquer Kim any longer. But Ray-J with flowers and conquer away.
But things just keep getting worse.
It becomes harder and harder to conquer the Kardashians. The worst part being that bacteria can pass resistance along to fellow bacteria! Kim and tell Khloe how to no longer be conquered by Lamar! Cunt! Are you listeing? A tiny little bacteria can pass along genetic information to another bacteria telling it how to become resistant to a drug. What. The. Fuck.
On top of all of this, being the fucking idiots that we are, we are mis-using the drugs. Retard doctors are giving antibiotics to retard patients for viral diseases. Anti-BACTERIAL drugs don't work against VIRUSES. You are just giving the bacteria more chances to develop resistance and pass it along. And then, even when we are sick with bacteria, retard people stop taking their medicine before it is all gone. "I will save this for my next bout with the flu" says the uninformed moron. You may feel better jackass but you haven't killed all of the bacteria yet. Therefore you have successfully allowed the bacteria to be exposed to the drug, survive it, and replicate more bacteria that already know how to defeat the drug. Joyous. Even more ridiculous is that the government is lavishly pouring antibiotics down the throats of livestock. SO LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT.... We are prophylactically treating livestock with antibiotics so that they don't get sick so we can then, in turn, violently slaughter and grind them into packages of hamburger? That makes perfect sense. Not only is that TOTALLY FUCKING RETARDED but it is allowing for the creation of mega-resistant bacteria that will inevitably destroy everyone.
Not only do we have to worry about all of this but the drugs are becoming resistant faster than ever! Think Kim became resistant to Reggie over about 2 years but became resistant to Humphries in 72 days!
So there are super-resistant bacteria popping up all over the world that can pass their resistance to their bacteria friends at an alarming rate....we must be trying to combat them, right? You would think so but we are shitting all of our money down the drain trying to bring democracy to the Middle East. From the 1920's to the 1950's upwards of 30 antibacterial drugs were developed. Since the 1990's? Like 3. Why is this? Well it is not in the best financial interest of the drug companies, of course. Drug companies would rather become rich inventing Viagra and OxyContin. That's right it is easier to make money creating other drugs. Instead of trying to save the world they would rather give middle-aged men raging erections and hillbillies pilled-Heroin to rob from pharmacies.
Honestly, I have no idea how to fix this problem anymore than you do. But these are the type of things we should be putting our time and effort into finding solutions for. And Jesus Christ, stop watching the Kardashians.
Vote Ron Paul.
BRYtunes Genius Recommendations: You Make Me Sick - Pink (12), How To Save A Life - The Fray (10), Medicine Ball - Eminem (22)
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