So this was the best song on my computer with the word "Miami" in it. You would think watching LeBron James and his ridiculous "The Decision" special would just reinforce why I hate most people in the world in general. It did. But surprisingly, my trip to Boston and Fenway last weekend embodied everything wrong with people in the world in general. I know no one is perfect but fuck, when did everyone stop trying?
First things first....LeBron James is an overpaid, smug, silver-spoon fed, brat with poor sportsmanship and turrble moral compass that has never had to work for anything in his life. That is just a fact. His (undeserving) sense of entitlement literally made me vomit (that and the handle of jack i polished off). News flash asshole, YOU HAVE NEVER WON ANYTHING. Your last championship was a Divison III Ohio High School Basketball Title bro. I have a high school basketball state championship. I was a small white sophomore who actually never played a minute on the title team but you know what, I pimp that gold ball like I hit the game winning shot and I feel completely comfortable doing so and you know why? BASKETBALL IS A TEAM SPORT. The NBA is so grossly individualized (worthy of its own blog) that I only watch the playoffs anyways (which is a marathon in of itself) and you know what I've seen you do in the playoffs? Lose for one. Fake shoulder injuries, two. Not shake your opponents hand after defeat, three. Look I hate losing more than I hate emo kids who wear skinny jeans and plaid shirts with their boxers hanging out, but the day I walk of the court/field and not shake my opponents hand will be the day i shit strawberry flavored lollipops out of my asshole. That is the ultimate disrespect not only to your opponents but the entire league, its fans, your teammates, and anyone who has ever competed in any sport at any level. Fuck you. You are not better than the game. Michael Jordan isn't better than the game. This league gives you and your peers the opportunity to play a kid's game for your adult life and make more money than most countries in africa can even imagine. The sooner you realize that we the fans allow you this reality, the better off you will be. You are privileged to have us. We are not privileged to watch you, you arrogant motherfucker. And by the way, joining forces with 2 other immature all-stars that are yet to understand the big picture doesn't guarantee you a championship either. I am in no way a fan of Boston's big 3 but when they came together they were mature superstars heading toward the end of their careers desperate to win a championship. Willing to do anything...cut salary, cut playing time, put up worse numbers, etc. Bosh, Wade and James are cocky ego-maniacs that need the attention and MVP numbers to be happy. And just for the record the only reason Dwayne Wade ever won a championship was because of Shaquille O'Neal and if you think otherwise you are kidding yourself.
On a different note I'm shocked that "The Decision" wasn't rated TV-MA. I didn't know you could show Jim Gray sucking cock on TV without any warning.
And to avoid another slur-filled paragraph-length rant I will just let the Vitamin Water shit slide. A vending machine in stocked with only Vitamin Water in the background? That's realistic... (and a horrible economic investment to boot). A half finished Vitamin Water next to "King James". Right. A billion commercials for it. Vitamin Water tastes like I ate a bunch of strawberries and pissed in a bottle.
I feel a little better now. But I fully expect to hate pampered athletes and star struck sports writers. However, when I went to Boston this weekend I soon realized why I am the anti-social prick we all love and adore. I love baseball and always will. But there might have been 10 people in a sold out Fenway Park that I could stomach just talking to. In fact probably less than 100 people in the entire city of Boston that I would actually enjoy having a conversation with. If you don't speak English it's not happening. There goes like 50% of the city right there. If you are wearing an authentic MLB jersey, have visible sunscreen spots you forgot to rub in, if you think you know way too much about baseball, if you are a raging bitch, if you scream "ooh" on every fly ball, if you don't know who heidi watney is, if you are eating fruit, if you talk on your cell phone mid-game, if you take up two seats because you are morbidly obese, if you make out with tongue in public, if your gross underwear is showing, if you are a dude with thong sandals, if you have a fanny pack, if you think david ortiz didn't take steroids, if you don't know the name of the team the Red Sox are facing, if you call the field "Fenway Stadium", if you sing along with the national anthem, if your kid is annoying as shit, or if you drop the peanuts when the peanut guy throws it you don't make the cut either. We're down to like 5% now.
How fucking hard is it to go into public, keep to yourself, enjoy the game, and not be a complete failure at life?
Now I know how everyone around me must have felt 2 weekends ago when I got kicked out of the Taking Back Sunday concert at House of Blues in Boston for being "too intoxicated". Jeez, I should have at least tried to fight some of the aforementioned emo kids, i no doubt could have taken like 15 of those punks.
BRYtunes Genius Recommendation: In Our Defense- The Academy Is (55)
Repeat Offender: Cute Without the "E", MakeDamnSure, Timberwolves at New Jersey, Everything Must Go...great band. Highly recommend all of their CD's.
I also think the Fenway Park crowd sucks. I was there last week and John Henry was sitting in my section and less than a quarter of the people in the section even knew who he was. I honestly hope the Sox suck for a few years to clear out the post 2003 frauds so the rest of us can just enjoy baseball again
ReplyDeleteCan we agree that sports isn't about winning, rather, it's about competing. Winning is awesome, but in the end it's a zero-sum game. The number of winners (outside of track/swimming) equals the number of losers. Winning is fickle. Competing is not. Compete long enough and hard enough you'll win. Sports is about living your animal instincts. It's not about winning at all. It's about being a fucking animal, going toe-to-toe with fellow man, and seeing who will eat today. LeBron doesn't get this.
ReplyDeleteAn August trip still in the making? If so, I will contact Pino and the three of us will have epic debates and get really drunk.
ReplyDelete