Simple Man- Shinedown (47)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e5gvSzbSMNg

I love this version of simple man by shinedown. This blog is regarding how fantasy baseball reveals why men rule the world.

Simplicity may be the single most overlooked, under-appreciated, neglected quality in the world. The art of being simple is not as straightforward as it seems. There are so many high-maintenance, hard to please, over-analytical, never-satisfied, over-achieving, pretentious individuals in the world it makes me want to vomit.

As hypocritical as this statement may appear, riddle me this: how many people do you know that could eat a bologna and mustard sandwich everyday for lunch for the entirety of 3rd grade, who would diligently pick at an ingrown chin-hair for one full hour until it surfaces and manifests a celebration of overly-heralded exuberance, who else calls his mother "jaundice" because it sounds like "candice" and is tickled when she can't tell the difference? You would undoubtedly lose all respect for this guy if you really knew what amuses me on a day to day basis. I'd go as far to say that you might think I have a slight form of autism or mental retardation (side note- every single time i handwrite the word ratio i always spell ration and i think there is some deep-rooted mental problem that i've yet to have been diagnosed with--it's like a reflex of some sort).

Anyhow, my newest simpleton tendency is being totally addicted to fantasy baseball. And i've got to admit, as little as 4 years ago i was the biggest neigh-sayer around regarding fake sports. What's that old adage? Those who can't do, teach or play fantasy sports? Well shortly after foot surgery due to a Lis Franc fracture dislocation that abruptly ended my dreams (fantasy?) of playing professional baseball, I took up fake baseball. The glass-half-empty perspective of my (second) foot surgery? I am currently no longer allowed to take 3 vicodin every four hours. The glass-half-full perspective? I have been introduced to the wonderful world of fantasy sports. Look, it could be worse. Chien Mien-Wang and Jeremiah Trotter both suffered Lis Franc fracture dislocations...at least I have my self dignity.

To the point...

I set up a fantasy league this year and it consists of myself, my brother, 4 friends dating back to elementary school, 4 dating back to middle school, and 3 dating back to high school. The remaining 3 members are college compadres. We span 2 countries, 5 states, and 2 sexual preferences (not really...just being facetious ky guy). Every week is a fierce competition of head-to-head statistical match-ups, self-chauvinism, hysterical rants, and spiteful texts. The idea is so simple yet utterly and breathtakingly brilliant. Collect a group of long time friends, pit them against one another and a the end of the year you have endless conversation and anticipation until the next season starts. Fantasy sports unite men who share a lifelong passion for a sport they can no longer play at a high level.

There are two reasons women don't play (or suck) at fantasy sports. First, they are too complex. They lose focus and treat silly competition like grab-ass tomfoolery. The world of fantasy sports (and dare i say the real world) is cut-throat. Only the strong survive. Secondly, women don't have enough friends to field a league. I'm sure I sound completely sexist...well then so be it. Find me a female with more than 10 friends that she is willing to text right now that she genuinely likes and doesn't consider a slut and I will forever retract the previous statement. Until then ladies, that is exactly why men rule the world: we are fiercely competitive and can bring in the reinforcements of long time allies if need be. Females are so preoccupied with hating each other that letting them run the world would most certainly be deleterious to the nation.

Repeat Offender: 45 (110), Call Me (95), Burning Bright (35)

BRYtunes Genius Recommendation: Far Behind- Candlebox (90)